Lifestyle

DOS AND DON’TS FOR MEN DATING YOUNGER WOMEN

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Rules of engagement apply for older guys dating young women. Perhaps gents could borrow a leaf from men in relationships with celebrities such as Kambua, Nyota Ndogo and Akothee among others. If a relationship is to thrive, , some lines should not be crossed as expressed below.

Be open about your past

You are a year into a relationship yet withholding major baggage; you are married, have baby mommas or a nasty criminal history. Honesty is virtue, well, it could be costly but everybody deserves a chance to choose. No matter what your past looks like, if you put up a genuine act and live up to the standards that she wants in a man perhaps she will compromise for you. However, in the event that you are married, there is no placing a finger on the fact that she will stay, unless of course she is just in for a thrill.

Treat the relationship as you would with someone your own age

Society is unforgiving and seemingly has an age gap template for couples. Two to five years is ‘most appropriate’ but anything from 10 onwards is unacceptable. The man should know that the lady might not always act as he wants and vice versa. Despite that, she should be held in the same way the man would look at her were they age mates. Focus on the positive and embrace her imperfections. Respect is not a choice. You wanted her, just go with it.

Establish boundaries

This could get awkward but essential in the long run. Draw a limit to certain aspects in your relationship. If you are married, God forbid, and thus sneaking around with a girl, let her know her place. You do not want your gadgets touched or work place surprise visits, then say it. Girls can easily attach emotions and so if you know you are just flinging her, be clear on it. You intend to get serious with her then talk about it. Lay your cards on the table.

Dress well

Grooming is an art and not mastered by all yet it can be learned. Nobody says you have to dress like Chris Brown to impress but just keep it neat. Don’t try too hard to compete with boys of her age because you will look ridiculous. You do not want her to walk 60 metres from you in town.

Don’t break your bank

Yes we have heard that conversation countless times that the man is the provider. And at times older men tend to be too generous with the mulla. Whether it is to entice her to stick longer or sincerely out of love, bankrolling her every move is not wise. Oh, you could discuss the lifestyle expectations and what you can afford for both of you. Don’t be stingy but also spend wisely on her. But it is your money anyway so spend it how you wish.

You are not her daddy

She is not looking for a father otherwise you wouldn’t be sleeping with her. But incest is a story for another day. You probably have kids her age, but the reason why you want a relationship is because you are looking for a partner and not child adoption. Save fatherly advise for your children. Avoid judgmental statements like ‘When I was your age… Young people are so…. Oh you weren’t even born when this album was released’ and more. You are not her daddy.

Don’t expect too much

You made your made so shut up and lie on it. She is not your traditional ex who babied you every second. Say she is 20, and you want her to go to Samba club with you and sit around old burly men like yourself. Come on, she is youthful and bouncy. Don’t tie her down. Let her enjoy herself, hang out with her friends and do normal things that girls her age do. Remember you are not playing daddy so don’t give her ultimatums like curfews

Don’t assume you know better

Being a zillion years old doesn’t warrant that you are a know it all. Therefore give her credit instead of patronizing every thought she shares. We all learn from each other. Be supportive and appreciate her efforts.

I am a journalist, fashion show choreographer, a backstage manager, an actress and the owner of buzzcentral.co.ke. As a journalist, I specifically focus on entertainment and feature writing.

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