‘I TRIED ENDING MY LIFE THRICE’ ACTRESS BRENDA MWAI TALKS DIVORCE AND HEALING

Actress and media personality Brenda Mwai opened up about her depression following her divorce from husband Jeff a year ago. 

The mother of one said she felt ashamed and embarrassed, “I don’t think anyone gets married to be divorced. You have this forever feeling with the other person, you also have dreams and hopes and ambitions and when divorce comes it’s like a death of all these things and all the promises that were said.

I think life doesn’t prepare you for something like this. I have come to see and know that you do not own people and you cannot own a person, you only experience them. Sometimes you experience them for a lifetime and sometimes for a year whether it’s friendship, in a workplace or partnerships. When everything happened, like any other person I was not prepared. I was so embarrassed I didn’t even tell my parents for a while. Until a friend said I needed to tell them.”

The media personality also said she attempted to take her life thrice, “I never ever thought that I will be the person who’s dealing with mental issues because I fell into such a deep depression that I attempted suicide thrice. Well, I failed because every time I was about to do it, I was like, today is the day I’m dying. This pain is too much. I’ve lost my family and I thought I had lost my child at that particular time. I was like I am not going to deal with this, the pain must stop.”

But every time she tried ending her life she ended up blacking out, “Every time I attempted something overwhelmed and overcame me. A heavy sleep, and tiredness. I would blackout and I would wake up in the morning and my mindset would have changed and I didn’t want to do it anymore. It was like God telling me nope, the two other times I tried I would blackout and after the third time I stopped.

I didn’t want my daughter growing up thinking that I didn’t want her. For anyone listening to this you have to know that sometimes people may not know what to say or what to do but they will show up for you in the way they know how. It could be a phone call, could be them taking you for lunch because divorce is heavy.”

Mwai says she has been seeing a psychologist who has helped her, “My healing journey has been fantastic because I have seen a therapist a couple of times that has been good. I’ve not been consistent with it. But I feel like I need to be absolutely consistent with it and very intentional when it comes to that. Because a healing journey cannot only be done by yourself or simply alone. Sometimes a professional is needed when it comes to situations or events that you are overwhelmed and cannot do by your own.”